TW: talk of sexual assault/rape, please be in a safe place with support if this may act as a trigger. As you likely know by now, if you've read my previous posts, I am currently "as big as a house" pregnant. (Okay, okay, 35 (almost 36) weeks pregnant). I am discovering that as my estimated [...]
Category: General
Eating Disorder and Pregnancy
I'm not sure I've spent much time writing about my history with disordered eating before but as I've progressed through my pregnancy it has proven to be a constant mental battle. In the past, I severely restricted my eating so I could lose about 60 or 70 pounds in 6 months. Before, during, and after [...]
Excited
I've got some really exciting news! I just started a new website. http://www.mettawellness.org I wanted .com but it was taken already. I really wanted metta though because it means loving kindness. And, I want this new coaching business to be run with loving kindness. There isn't much up on the site yet. And I haven't [...]
I’m Human and I’m not Sorry
After my first year in the Clinical Mental Health Counseling graduate program at UT Tyler, I recieved this as my annual review results: I met expectations and exceeded expectations on every category. This year, the faculty decided that I did not meet expectations in almost all areas. These are the results I recieved today: If [...]
Hiking Therapy
Recently, walk and talk therapy has become a thing. In the wake of K leaving (she and I have our last appt. June 20th), I've considered whether or not I want to stick with EMDR. And, I've considered things like walk and talk therapy because I love the idea of bringing the progress outdoors, where [...]
Gratitude and The Sh*t I Don’t Want to Say
This post serves two purposes: I want to celebrate the incredible gifts I've received in therapy but I also want to explore my story, the shit I don't want to say. I've been down lately, in one of the valleys of my recovery. I've built this incredible foundation in my team of mental health professionals [...]
Matter: A poem
I don't usually write poetry but here is one: The days that hurt the most are... The days when I find myself overindulged in emotion. Stuffed to the brim, crammed full, overflowing, bursting at the seams. In pain. Coming apart and undone. These are the days when having senses feels like a chore. The days [...]
Ghosts
Do you believe in ghosts? Yes, I mean the kind that go bump in the night. The specters caught between real and not real, past and present, energy diverted. I just watched Haunting of Hill House on Netflix and it made me think. I thought of the fine line between what's real and what's not. [...]
An Update
A lot has changed for me recently. I've not been posting much because I've been in a mental space where I feel like everything I say just doesn't come out right, so it is best not to even bother. But, I miss the wordpress community, so I am going to try and summarize where things [...]
Life as a Teenage Beauty Queen or Creating the Feminine Machine
This is an old one and a long one but hopefully worth the read still: I would like to invite you on a journey, not across space, but across time, my time, the time I spent living in the body of a teenage beauty queen. This isn't science fiction; there won't be a time machine, [...]
Her Patchwork Heart 
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