Tonight I realized two things: 1) If I want to see myself grow, I've got to be willing to risk failure. I have to be willing to venture into the unknown, to walk away from all my familiar surroundings. 2) For years, I have been adamant that I wouldn't believe in God because God was [...]
Category: General
Fit or Mis-fit: Finding Harmony with Mental Illness
How often do you find yourself in situations where you just don't quite "fit"? I've been thinking about this a lot lately in terms of mental health, specifically Complex PTSD. I haven't said anything yet because I've still been trying to come to terms with what this means in the context of my life but [...]
Abstract Longings for What Might Be
TW: this blog will cover issues of rape/sexual assault, so if you're not feeling particularly safe and supported please take care before reading. Every year someone inevitably tells me: "You know, they say, 'whatever you are doing to bring in the new year is what you will be doing for the rest of the year.'" [...]
Learning to Trust; or How A Flat Tire Taught Me to Take a Leap of Faith
I have given this idea of trust as existing on a spectrum quite a lot more thought since yesterday when my therapist asked me what trust looks like. Apparently, trust isn't something I do well. It's not something I have given much thought beyond: people can't be trusted (this includes myself) and trust leads to [...]
Wilting in the Shadow of God
With my grandfather's death and funeral I was reminded of the kind of Christianity my family practices. It isn't the kind that believes in grace as acceptance of all those who are not worthy. It isn't the kind that believes in mercy or forgiveness for every sinner. It is not the kind that believes in [...]
Seeing the Unseen; or, the Package Hidden Under the Welcome Mat
This week Amazon delivered a rather substantial package to my apartment and, because the delivery man thought I was not home, the package was placed under my welcome mat. Can we consider for a second how ludicrous this actually seems? I'm not particularly good at measurements, so I'm sure I can't accurately convey to you [...]
The Weight of Loss
"[He] is gone." These were the first words my brain registered this morning when I woke up at 3:09. It was a text from my mother letting me know that my grandfather has passed away. We had been expecting this loss for a few weeks now, so it isn't like it was unexpected. But, somehow, [...]
When Hurt People, Hurt People
I'm about to do something I never do... post right after a therapy session and while I am still feeling raw about an experience I had today. Actually, an experience that has been prolonged for weeks. However, resolution was just achieved today. And, sometimes, resolution sucks. It's almost better being in limbo, not knowing if something is [...]
Irony, Imprinted Words, and Complicated Relationships
Now that you're probably thoroughly confused and misled by the title of this blog, I'm going to attempt to conceptualize something that's still ridiculously abstract in my mind. I've been thinking a lot lately about how words imprint themselves in our minds; how they create not only memories but something else. Something more powerful, more [...]
Her Patchwork Heart 
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