I've spent years having sleepless nights filled with nightmares. I had almost gotten used to it but then medication offered me a little bit of hope. I stopped having as many nightmares. They were almost gone. And even when I would have them, they wouldn't hit me with such intensity. But, I think, maybe, I've [...]
Category: mental illness
My Mental Health Team
I think I've finally found the right combination of professionals. I saw my psychiatrist today and she was patient as I refused to produce a urine sample (after the $3220 debacle). And she was patient as I refused to give blood because I just didn't see the point (hello, depression). She was disappointed but gave [...]
Life Update
I've been doing a lot of waxing philosophical lately and I've got to tell you, it is an avoidance tactic. I kept trying to will myself into this amazing life of hope and enthusiasm. And, for a while it worked. But, not everything has been great. So, here is just a general life update. Group [...]
A Letter to Caffeine
For my addictions counseling course, we have to give up a substance which we are presumably somewhat addicted to... as part of the assignment, we also have to write a letter to our substance. To be included in the letter are these components: How my addictive substance/behavior is loved and is considered a “friend” How [...]
Depression Has No Face
In light of the recent deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, almost everyone is talking about suicide. We all have our own opinions and our own takes on suicide and depression (though suicide doesn't necessarily have to mean the person was struggling with depression; there is just a pretty good chance that was the [...]
Depression is like…
Have you seen the movie Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? There is this scene where the depressed robot shoots the Vagons with this gun that transfers his experience to them. They suddenly embody his depression. After my recent bad day, I actually find the depiction pretty damn accurate, if not a little over-the-top for comedic value. When [...]
In Over My Head
Sometimes I do things and then later I end up thinking: "Why?! Why did I ever think this was a good idea?" Right now is one of those moments. I am in so over my head. A while back I sent an abstract to a university press for a chapter on the intersection of self-injury [...]
Things depression and anxiety will tell you
Things depression and anxiety will tell you, if they're allowed... Depression will tell you that you are as invisible as you feel. Depression will tell you that you aren't good enough. Depression will tell you that no one would miss you if you were gone. Depression will tell you none of it is worth it. [...]
Brain Zaps
Since it is Mental Health Awareness Month and since I recently had an experience with brain zaps, I am going to write a blog about this phenomenon. Hopefully raising awareness. My aim is to save someone from the experience of being completely freaked out when this happens to them. Yesterday, I spoke with my psychiatrist [...]
Listen to Truth
I have this corner on the old school blackboard in my classroom that has refrigerator magnets with words. The corner is simple. It says, "create." When the kids are bored they tend to go to the board and just randomly make poems or art with the words. The internet went down yesterday, so one student [...]
Her Patchwork Heart 
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