When I was a little girl, I used to practice being invisible. If I was invisible then I couldn't be yelled at, devalued, or hurt. At least that is what my childhood mind told me. Now, I know that doesn't make any sense, I am not, nor have I ever been, a vanishing girl. I was [...]
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Patience is Difficult on the Long Journeys
Have you ever beat yourself up for not being further along than you thought you should be? Or, maybe you did get there but then you took 2 steps backward? Maybe you lost 12 pounds but then you gained 5 back. Maybe you managed not to cut for 2 months but then you slipped up [...]
Let me Grow to Maturity in Missouri
This morning I sat curled up in the fetal position, in an old wooden chair, in an unfamiliar place, having Thai tea instead of my normal morning coffee/protein shake. In the midst of all this unknown, I was awed by the beauty all around me. I thought for a second, maybe this is what growth [...]
“Sorry, I’m not ghosting you…”
I feel like that's the story of my life right now: "sorry, I'm not ghosting you..." It's my blog life, my family life, my friend life, and my dating life. Especially my dating life... I didn't respond until technically the next day. I don't know what my deal is, I just don't have the energy [...]
There is no “suddenly” about positive change
Change is bloody hard. Sometimes it feels downright impossible. This is especially true for positive, lasting change. I've been thinking a lot about this since quitting therapy with C. I keep asking myself, "did I bail for the right reasons?" Because I dedicated myself to the therapy process. I told myself I was going to [...]
Meandering Down the Path of Wonder
Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if a certain thing never happened or you had never met a certain person or if you were somewhere else at a specific time? I think this is natural right? To wonder about how things could have been different. But, for some of us we [...]
Poem: Scars
Trigger warning: Self harm This was written to be spoken word poetry put to music and such; maybe some day I'll do that but for now, here it is in its plain ole typed form. Scars I am not my scars Or any of the things that have happened to me. I'm not the [...]
Uninhibited Emotional Vulnerability
I wrote this on this day 4 years ago: "I sometimes wonder if having moments of uninhibited emotional vulnerability (or just complete raw honesty) with/at/towards people is a mistake, if people don't know what to do with that kind of openness or just don't actually want that much honesty. If those are things best left [...]
Sanctuary from a Dim World
Sometimes even the brightest lights don't shine quite as brightly as they usually do. Even the sun is obscured today, making for a world that is literally and figuratively dim. The fog has been acting as a thick blanket this week, effectively erasing tall buildings, cars, people. It's a strange experience of the world. My [...]
Where I Come From: A Rise from the Lower Class
Sometimes we have take a long hard look at where we came from to appreciate how far we have come, where we are and where we are going. Or, at least, that's what they say. So, as I am currently in life repair mode, I took a trip back home to remind myself of how [...]
Her Patchwork Heart 
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