I am not an imposter among survivors. I am not a victim. The other day a former friend called me a victim, told me I'd always be that way, that I push people away, that I'm hard to help. I let myself feel hurt and victimized by those statements. I let her words become prophetic. [...]
Tag: healing
Chesed and the Therapist as Enlightened (Empathic) Witness
First and foremost, I admit, I am not Jewish but for this blog I do want to talk about a concept that is familiar to Judaism. If I mess this up in anyway, please forgive me for my ignorance and feel free to educate me on my mistaken understanding. I recently read of this idea, Chesed; it [...]
Protected: A Letter to my Ex-Therapist
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Loving Yourself When You’re the Toxic Person
We are, on occasion, going to be the Toxic person in our relationships. This is probably one of the hardest things to admit to ourselves because let's be real, it is easier if the hurt is the other person's fault. But sometimes, it just isn't. Sometimes it is us reenacting past behaviors, creating very real present [...]
Patience is Difficult on the Long Journeys
Have you ever beat yourself up for not being further along than you thought you should be? Or, maybe you did get there but then you took 2 steps backward? Maybe you lost 12 pounds but then you gained 5 back. Maybe you managed not to cut for 2 months but then you slipped up [...]
Let me Grow to Maturity in Missouri
This morning I sat curled up in the fetal position, in an old wooden chair, in an unfamiliar place, having Thai tea instead of my normal morning coffee/protein shake. In the midst of all this unknown, I was awed by the beauty all around me. I thought for a second, maybe this is what growth [...]
Uninhibited Emotional Vulnerability
I wrote this on this day 4 years ago: "I sometimes wonder if having moments of uninhibited emotional vulnerability (or just complete raw honesty) with/at/towards people is a mistake, if people don't know what to do with that kind of openness or just don't actually want that much honesty. If those are things best left [...]
Sanctuary from a Dim World
Sometimes even the brightest lights don't shine quite as brightly as they usually do. Even the sun is obscured today, making for a world that is literally and figuratively dim. The fog has been acting as a thick blanket this week, effectively erasing tall buildings, cars, people. It's a strange experience of the world. My [...]
I am not a single story
I am not every negative thing that has happened to me or been said about me. I am a patchwork girl. I am pieced together from fragments of memories, experiences, and stories. I have been created by all the people I’ve ever loved or hated. And all the people who have loved and hated me. In [...]
The Bravery of Choosing to Live
I want to speak candidly about something society tells us we aren't allowed to talk about because it's dark and scary: suicide. What if, every morning when you woke up, you had to choose to keep living? You had to choose to make your lungs keep drawing in air. You had to choose not to [...]
Her Patchwork Heart 
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